Foreword: How it all began...

Hello. My name is Ted Clay.

One year ago I used to be an average ordinary guy. I worked, hung out with my friends, partied on the weekends, you know the regular. That was until I made the single biggest mistake I will ever make in my entire life. I made fun of Chuck Norris. I now spend my days living life on the run. Let me take you back to the beginning of the story.

It was a Tuesday night in August. I was at my friends house enjoying a few adult beverages. I was still feeling the stress of work and was drinking at a quicker pace than usual. We were playing cards, talking about life and watching some television. For some reason we were watching a marathon of Walker: Texas Ranger. I finished my seventh beer and I could feel that I was catching a buzz. I got up from my chair to grab another and returned with my fresh beer just in time to see Chuck finish off an outlaw with his trademark roundhouse kick to the face. This is when it happened folks, I was about to have verbal diarrhea. Then it came out, "Chuck Norris is a little fairy who couldn't knock the dead pedals off of a rose with his gay roundhouse kick." My friends and I had a short laugh and then returned to our card game.

It was starting to get late and I decided that I was going to start my car and get ready for the journey home. I stepped out of the house and lit a cigarette, breathing in the cool autumn air. A strange feeling came over me as I approached my car. There was a note on the window and the motor had already been started. The note was written on a Total Gym post it and read, I heard what you said about me. I'm giving you a 24 hour head start. You're going down. Signed, Chuck Norris. As I read the note I thought that someone had to be playing a trick on me, so I went back inside to find the culprit.

When I was back in the house I showed the note to my friends, however they seemed to have no idea who did it. I was still convinced that they were joking with me until one of them told me to check the back of the note. As I turned the piece of paper over in my hand a chill ran down my spine and the note dropped to the floor. On the back in scribbled handwriting, someone had divided by zero. At that moment I knew that Chuck truly had left me this message and that's when I knew that my life would never be the same again. I was now on the run from Chuck Norris.


Check back soon to see how Ted survived his first night...